My husband did continue to pray off and on, but for both of us, the spiritual waters were not stirring things to the changes we needed. One day, in the early hours of the morning sometime after midnight, I awoke with pain in my side that was so severe, I thought I must have cracked a rib. I woke him and asked him to pray. The conversation was not pleasant, so I kept silent and cried out to God. I was as close to hopelessness as ever.
Then, a few days later, someone came to me during prayer meeting and asked God to send His angels. It was a divine appointment that this person was there because they hadn’t been able to be there for the three weeks before that. In the Spirit, they saw God taking a broken heart and putting it back together like the pieces of a puzzle. When they told me that, I cried loud and wept a flood of tears because the pain was so intense. Then came a comfort, but God wasn’t through yet.
We all gathered around to pray for the needs of church members--and any other need that had been spoken. Somebody whispered in my ear, "God told me to tell you, ‘It's not your fault what happened.’" More tears flooded my eyes as I sobbed uncontrollably. I felt God telling to me write a blog post titled It's Time to Stir the Waters. I didn't understand why He would want me to write that because I felt so stagnate.
Even with the breakthrough, I went about my days on auto pilot. I gave up on everything I knew and loved, except church--where I went with a smile and pretended life was great. I wanted to stay home and bury my head under the covers, but I kept going, hoping for something to get me through. I sought counseling, but the cost was too overwhelming. I sought books, but I could find none I felt would work. Finally, we counseled with the pastor, but that came to naught. He did his best, but it would take the two of us following his advice, and that wasn’t happening.
The following Sunday night, instead of going out after church, I chose to come home early to spend time with my husband. I was not met with the joyful welcome I hoped for. Here we were again, two strangers back to where it all began ten horrible months before. As a side note; over a year ago, we were advised to create a joint Facebook account. I’m not saying all marriages need this, but for us, there were serious consequences of having separate Facebook streams.
But God doesn't leave us in stagnate waters if we seek Him for our rescue. So, recently I attended some Monday Bible study services despite not really wanting to go. I'm not sure why, but those two weeks opened my eyes to spiritual things I didn't even know existed. It was a slow stirring at first, but then I started paddling like a swimmer who was fighting for her very existence, let alone life after she got to shore. I began again to search for my purpose; for my calling that I had nearly thrown away. See part three for the most recent move of the Holy Spirit in the waters of my life.
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